28/09/2003 - 1:40 p.m.

As you might have gathered I have been playing far too much SWG. Having an absolute ball, making friends.

That is where it all gets strange as the "I" of the player and the "I" of the character get inter-tangled.

There is a system for sending messages directly to another player but it is way too easy to reply to the wrong person.

There is a guy, flirty, friendly and a lot of fun who I hang out with heaps. I know I am not the only person he's like this with and up until yesterday it didn't bug me at all.

Then i got a mis-directed message that was the middle of a heavy seduction scene. At the time I was out hunting with my beloved and another friend and I just blew it off as a bit of a joke.

But it niggled me all evening and I spent about 4 hours looking at the ceiling trying to figure out why my feelings were hurt. I mean I'm married, H and I are just friends, it is a little gross like walking in on someone put no big deal right?

Took me 4 damn hours of not sleeping to figure out that he had hit a sore spot I didn't really know I had. Or perhaps that I didn't want to admit to.

It comes down to this. I don't mind that his affections are shared but I AM scared that I will lose MY place in them. And the message was a reminder of the risk. There are so few people I really like that I guess I am jealous of my share of thier affections, afraid they will be withdrawn and given to someone more worthy.

Yep, all I need to know in life I learnt playing SWG :)

The other lesson is if you spend too much time watching other people's HAM bars you will get incapped yourself :)

Now if only i was smart enough to go out and apply this.

As to the hurt feelings, I am certain H did not intend to hurt me and almost as certain that he would feel awful if he knew. I debated telling him so but I think the better part of valour is discretion so I should probably keep my mouth shut for once in my life

Living the good life

Bels